Friday, May 5, 2017


Here is another dance video by Sloane! Don't be surprised if more of these start popping up. This one is an original dance choreography by Sloane to Mozart's Concert no. 21 in C major (and it wasn't even her best version!) She says she's finally feeling ready to sign up for ballet class (I had asked her for the past year with her responding that no she was not quite ready) so we are looking at a summer session for her!

Music is saving my life these days. Spotify, you are just the most stupendous thing ever.

Even though I am perfectly content with the smallness (and when I say smallness I don't mean trivial or insignificant) of my life, the string of busy days presses the question of  - is this what I'm supposed to be doing?

With young kids, the response can go either of two ways. Some days, everything is meaningful. There cannot be a more meaningful task than raising children; the work is purposeful and gratifying. Other days, it is darker. The menial tasks seem endless and it is hard to see how the sum of these things will add up to anything good. Am I seen? 

In these small days, what I want is free time. For the sake of balance, if not for my sanity. I would like to balance all of these agenda filled days with carefree ones.

In these agenda-filled days, I notice my husband. I see him in a way that makes me miss him even when he is next to me, even after I've spent hours talking to him.

In these spring days, I am 8 years old on my bike. I am 16, leaving school with all the windows down. I am 25, dreamy about the possibilities.

In these fast moving days, time is the most precious of treasures. Sometimes, in the middle of such a day, I am gripped by the feeling of time slipping like time through my fingers.  Am I present enough? 

In these precious days, I still occasionally do the thing I started doing when I was turning 20, back when I didn't have that much to lose, of closing my eyes and imagining that all of my possessions and people I love becoming lost to me. I have so much more to lose now. It's jarring but also soothing. It reminds me that my worth and happiness isn't based on what I have or what I do. I am held by a God who knows me. Everything I have and every day I'm awake is undeserved. It makes me work harder, play harder while worrying less.