Saturday, June 9, 2012


Being pregnant for the fist time is such a complex and awesome thing – what it does to your body, your brain, and your emotions – that I’m glad that I force myself to take time to try to write about it all on this blog. I’m already appreciating the ability to look back at the kind of perspective I had at the beginning of this process, and for those who care, thanks for riding along with me! 

With several months of pregnancy under my belt now, I’ve noticed that being pregnant has many sides to it – good, bad, highs and lows. It’s almost like I am different versions of myself as I run through the gamut of emotions and thoughts. They’re all me and they are all genuine, but they vary from day to day. So when people ask me how I’m doing, it’s usually one of these, or several of these at one time:

Facet A – cool, calm and collected. I got this. All of these months are so great for easing me into the process of getting bigger…and more pregnant. I’m so grateful any negative side effects or pains from this are minimal. Take your time baby, every day you’re baking in there is for a reason. God’s plan is perfect.

Facet B – whiny. I am so tired of using public bathrooms. They are gross, and I have to use them all the time. I feel huge. I am getting tired of this body. Sometimes my back and legs ache so much I can’t fall asleep. I want a giant cocktail and then I want to lay on my back in the sun. Wah.

Facet C – panicked. What the heck am I doing? Are we ready? I don’t know if I’m ready for the kind of life-long responsibility. Will I feel trapped? Will I resent her? Is my body going to recover from this?

Facet D – impatient and excited. These 8 months feel like they’ve been going on forever. Can it happen already? Come on I’m ready to meet you, baby, let’s do this! Hurry!

Facet E- lovey dovey. I’m so in love with K. and totally in love with how he loves the baby already. I can’t believe we are going to bring a person into this world together; it blows my mind.

Recently, I keep thinking and comparing my present situation to what it felt like to be standing on top of a four-story-high cliff in Curacao, about to jump into the waters below. I knew for sure that I wanted to do it, but I was nervous with anticipatory excitement because I had never jumped off something that high before. Those that went before me came back with tales – that was awesome! Heck yeah, that hurt. Oh shoot look at my bruise. Yeah, it’s kind of scary, but it’s worth it. When it was my turn, I had this crazy tingly feeling all over my body, which I’m guessing was adrenaline, and as soon I stepped off, the realization that I couldn’t go back was like a lightening bolt through my body. I remember the feeling of falling through the air and thinking, wow, this is taking a really long time, and the feeling of hitting the water, really hard (yes it did kind of hurt), and being submerged in the warm water.  When I surfaced, I could hear friends cheering and hollering and as I looked up the giant cliff, I was amazed. It felt great to have made such a great leap. Even with my nervousness, reservations and fear, I pushed myself because I knew I could do it and I knew it would make me feel alive, and I am so glad I did.

1 comment:

  1. Yep!
    You have few opportunity to do that kind of things.