Monday, September 19, 2016


A 4 year old and one year old!

“A mother discovers with great delight that one does not love one’s children just because they are one’s children but because of the friendship formed while raising them.”  Gabriel García Márquez.

This captures my sentiment about my current relationship with Sloane perfectly.  This past summer especially, I can't help notice that she is an entirely separate being from myself, with her own personality, opinions, with an ability to regard me with her own personhood. She's less of a baby or toddler that is of myself- you don't realize how much intuition you employ for a baby and toddler until the toddler becomes a three-year-old and then a four-year-old, and doesn't need you to help with every single little thing, but does ask you questions about how the world works and the forms her own opinions about her world, and then expresses them so eloquently. I realized just how much I consider her now more like a friend and a companion, rather than part of my body, when I started to accidentally call her my sisters names. That's how it feels times to have her with me when I run errands or we go do something together, that it's so fun because she's a person that am I am getting to know. 

Sloane these days is kind, funny, smart, creative and so loving.  I can't believe I get to see her and be seen by her, every single day.

Recently she has been declaring her love to me in the sweetest way. She is very fond of the phrase, "all the way to the moon", so on any given moment I will hear, "mom, I love you as tall as that tall tree. I love you as much as a big house. I love you all the way to the moon, and straight back."

Other things she's said recently: 

"Dear God, please save the day and let it not rain. So we can go to the playground and we can have the wedding. If it rains we can't go to the playground and we can't have the wedding."

"There's a lot of traffic. Should we pray to Jesus? Dear Jesus let there be no traffic because I want to see my friends and I am a little carsick. Amen." 

"Mom I don't like the sand because it gets into my butt and it tickles me... but I don't want to laugh." 

"Mom daddy's face is so is totally sweaty"

"Shhhhh.. we have to be quiet. Lamb is wide asleep."

"Mom, I'll be Charlotte, you can be Wilbur and Logan will be the rat! It's your birthday tomorrow and I have a card for you. The card is on my web here, and I'm holding it with my eight legs. Tomorrow, for your birthday the speaker will come up and the speaker is loud!"

"Oh mom. I didn't see it in there. Could you hand me my backpack again please ? Thank you mom....OK, I checked everything again and the phone isn't there."

"Mom sometimes reading feels like I'm dreaming! And when I stop reading it feels like waking up."

"Why is the sun so big ? Is it so that it can wake everyone up? And why is the moon so big? Is it so that it can tell everyone to go to sleep?"

Sloane's sentiments about Logan recently:

"Mom, sometimes having a baby is so nice, but sometimes it is hard, right?"

 "Mom, do you know who I love more than anyone? More than you or papa? ...Logan."

Logan these days is ferocious. ball of fire, pure energy.

I can tell that she feels her emotions intensely, and will go from utterly distraught to extremely happy in a matter of minutes. That part reminds me of Ken, his highs are really high and his lows are really low. But in other ways her vibe feels familiar to who I am.  She has a ready willingness to laugh and an unpredictability that reminds me a lot of myself.  She has great affinity for music and will passsionately sing along when music comes on or when I start singing. Recently my favorite thing is her face when she does this, she will often throw her head back with her eyes closed as she 'sings'.

She is sturdy and confident, and she is also insistent that I am her primary holder, although recently she has been flinging herself at Ken and will give hugs to Sloane of her own accord. One time, I watched as Logan toddled up to Sloane and gave her a series of hugs over and over again. Sloane and I both were utterly delighted. 

I feel as though I could spend hours just staring at her face and watching her waddle around...and if I'm lucky, sometimes I do. 

I was attempting to wean and the first couple of weeks went well of dropping her two daytime feedings, and then when I tried to drop the morning one, she went full-on rebellion and started waking up in the middle of the night (sometimes twice) to nurse!  I think I'm going to take the weaning of the last two feedings slowly, and I don't think I mind it because I don't have to pump at work anymore, but this way I can prolong nursing for a little while longer.

This sums them up pretty well these days. Logan constantly on the move, ready to laugh and make you laugh. Sloane, in creative play mode, ready to launch into the next story, and recently has declared that she wants to be a firefighter when she grows up.


  1. "Mom sometimes reading feels like I'm dreaming! And when I stop reading it feels like waking up."

    How is it that she managed to perfectly capture what it feels like to be immersed in a good book?? That girl is amazing!

  2. slone, i think you are right about sun and moon being so big.