i'm actually about 4 months now, but i took these pictures and wrote this up last month when i hit the 3 month mark, and since i shared the news yesterday, i thought i'd do a flashback and share what my thoughts were like a month ago:
the moment i found out i was pregnant for the second time, when i held the pregnancy test in my hand and watched the faint line appear to make two intersecting lines, was so very different from the first time i held a positive pregnancy test for the first time, there had been terror and tears that first time; this time, i couldn't stop a goofy smile from spreading across my face.
so many things about this second pregnancy feels different. from my initial reaction, to my attitude about the entire process. most of the first pregnancy was about me getting used to the idea that this monumental shift was going to happen to me: i resented being pregnant, i was uncomfortable with the pregnancy taking over my body, and quick to complain about all the changes and restrictions in diet. this time around, it's different. i don't feel any friendlier about being pregnant for 10 months, but now, i don't harbor those resentments about not being able to drink alcohol or eat sushi. it just feels very natural that i would shift my habits to get ready for this baby. and i have the first baby to thank for that. because that is what the difference stems from: this time, i know what glorious, wonderful, miraculous thing awaits me on the other side. with all of my imagination, and all the things that i had heard from friends, i couldn't have imagined what it's actually like to fall in love with a baby. now i know. and it makes a world of difference in my perspective for this second one.
unfortunately, another difference has been the bouts of nausea that has been coming and going. i didn't have one iota of nausea with sloane, and i am not having fun with nausea on this one. it is draining and exhausting. i am thankful that it comes and goes, and it has stayed away for the past couple of weeks; the only being difference is that my appetite is not as good as it once was.
what has remained the same is the exhaustion-i remember being really tired during my first trimester with sloane, and that has been the same. i am so tired, all. the. time. this time though, it is coinciding with my inability to cope with the winter, and this combination results in the kind of desire that wants to go to bed as soon as i get home and never leave the house. i am looking forward to spring, as if it's a trip i'm planning and depending on for reprieve.
i'm going to try to keep account of the passing months, like i did last time. but how funny it is to reflect on how much has changed. like that sweet girl in the background, for one!