Wednesday, June 11, 2014


It's happening, guys. She is gonna get to two years old in a blink of an eye.  And it's getting to be extra thrilling right about now because she is chatting it up, she understands so much and we are having all sorts of conversations. 

 I wrote this really really long post about something scary that happened this past weekend, a sort of precursor to what I'm about to write here, but I lost it. It got deleted and I couldnt get it back. It took me a really long time to write so it was super frustrating but in the end maybe it's for the best. It was more for self-therapy anyways and that job has been done. In a nutshell, Sloane had a terribly high fever on Saturday night and she ended up having a seizure. I called 911, we ended up in the ER and we spent Sunday recovering. It was the worst thing I have ever seen and I am perhaps still a little traumatized. She is fine now, it was a febrile seizure, which is common, so no damage was done, but GEEZ, really? Ken and I were shaken up about it, we got a peek into the depths of terrible things that could happen. He said that it feels like he lost that part of him that trusts that she is going to be okay and that it would probably take time for him to feel safe about it all again; I find myself randomly crying.  But that super-long-forever-lost post was also about how the end goal of all this parenting isn't about making sure nothing bad happens to our children; that's impossible. My mom gave me a great piece of advice when I was pregnant with Sloane that she says she wishes she knew from the beginning and something I've tried to remember going forward. She said that parents need to remember that we don't own our children; our kids aren't ours. They are God's, gifted and entrusted into our care for our joy and growth and mutual benefit. The point isn't to keep them in a bubble, or make them exactly like us. It's a discovery, it's mining for wisdom, it's letting go of things we can't control. That's freeing right?  To trust that she is always in bigger and better hands, and be able to focus on loving her fiercely moment by moment. 

This is getting to be pretty long all on it's own. But just wait! There's more.

At 22 months, she can walk down steps, even big steps all by herself, with the help of a banister or a wall. She loves being able to do that and man, that face of accomplishment that she has after doing something on her own, can I bottle that up and keep it forever? 

These days when I drop her off, she asks me for a goodbye hug before scampering off. Is there some kind of celebratory trumpet a mom can play when her baby starts initiating hugs and kisses all on her own? I'm playing it!

She is so dang smart. I constantly find myself slack-jawed about how much she understands. 

Along with asking me what everything is, she now also asks what I am doing. It kills me when she follows up my answer with an all-knowing, "ohhhh"

"What you doooing?" 
"I'm pouring milk."

"What you doing??"
"I'm shaving my legs..."

"Mommy, shoes, " she tells me as she hands me my sneakers to put on. 
"Oh honey, I'm not going to wear those, I'm wearing my sandals." 
"Ohhh, okay." She then proceeds to go get me my sandals. 

She also asks where things went. 
"Where glasses go?" 
"Where papa go?" 

"Mommy, it's yucky" she says as she wipes my checkbook down with a tissue. "It is?" "Yes," she says, all serious. "I cleaning it." After using about 10 tissues from the tissue box to 'clean it'. She hands it back to me. "Here you go, Mommy." "Thanks sloane." "Mommy, can I read it?" "The checkbook?" "Yes." 

We have our own kind of secret handshake.  She says, "My mommy!" And I say, "My Sloane!" And we squeeze each other tight. Or I'll start, "My Sloane!" "My mommy!" Squeeze.

At one point on Sunday afternoon I started randomly crying, remembering the events of the night before. She walked over to me, "Mommy, up!" I scooped her up and she put her hands around my neck, tilted her head and put her face close to mine, "Are you okay?" "Yes," I laughed. "I'm okay."


  1. what a night that was. thank God that he was with you and with her and sovereign over her sweet little body. i am getting teary eyed remembering seeing the two of you holding each other in the hospital bed. we love this little girl so much. and she is such a delight

  2. So sorry for the scare, mama! Fevers are tricky & it's hard to trust God my Healer more than my own two hands. Love! megs

  3. it is fascinating to see you watching your own girl growing!