Sunday, November 30, 2008

thanksgiving was four days ago

i spent the past five days with k.'s family for thanksgiving. that is a lot of days...

for some reason i decided to pretend that i was in some unreachable alternate universe. actually, it wasn't so much of a choice as the inevitable sum of a dead phone, k's family time, and copious hours of sleep.

i didn't slice out a designated time to squeeze out a reflection on what i am grateful for, but i did eat the obligatory turkey, stuffing, green beans, yam and corn, and i liked it. I don't feel the need to force myself to make up new things to be thankful about just because of the holiday. i am grateful and thankful for everything. there is not a thing in my life, a bone in my body, nor a thought in my head that i take for granted. i am so so thankful. my heart swells with so much of it that it will probably burst any day now.

yes. i am full of thanks for the ordinary, and I am glad that I have the ability to react to ordinary life with gratitude. but, sometimes, i think i will suffocate from the stillness. it is more popular to be blind, quiet, and still? apathy is the new anarchy? taking the road well-traveled means growing up? wait, what does it mean to sacrifice? a resounding slap is necessary once in a while, no? eh? i would like a daily slap. well, it doesn't necessarily have to be a slap; it just has to be anything that teaches me how to trust God more.

without the kind of hope that comes from knowing God, there really would be no point in living. life would be vapid.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


why is it not summer.

i am so tempted to do another study abroad.
probably australia, italy, or s. america.
also, i miss new york city.
i miss my sisters.

why do we have to follow so many rules?!
why are there so many boring people? !!!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

sad story

it is so tragic!
that both of montreal and conor oberst are coming into town,
and i can't make it to the shows.